In my case, I confronted my husband and spoke my truth. You deserve a loving marriage where you can share your thoughts and feelings freely. You’ll be more available for a quality connection with your spouse. In being honest, you’re willing to explore your own feelings. I have faith that the command to be truthful is there for a reason.
While I don’t advocate marital fighting, I believe God when He tells us to be honest. It’s true that you may get into more fights with your husband. The reality is the addict must be responsible for his own recovery.Īs you are honest about how you feel and about how his pornography use affects you, you will grow in emotional strength and confidence. If you choose to confront your husband about his pornography use, realize that it’s about you living honestly for your own peace of mind.
One thing to keep in mind is that you can’t make an addict recover. Confronting the Situation Won’t Heal The Addict, But It Will Help The Wife The porn use is the real reason he avoids his wife. You don’t support me.” Porn users will often turn things around – “if we had sex more, I wouldn’t look at porn.” Or “I’m not attracted to you.” The truth is that a husband’s pornography use is the real reason the couple is not having sex. Often, the porn user blames his wife, by saying, “You’re controlling. Confronting an Addict Will Likely Cause Conflict, But It’s Worth It For example, her husband may become angry. The best chance a wife has for happiness, in the long run, is to learn to be completely honest with herself about how she feels and communicate that clearly to her husband. Regardless of how others act, husbands (and everyone else) make their own choice about whether or not to use porn. One woman told me that her husband wouldn’t have a porn problem if she listened better. Perhaps the wife thinks it’s her fault because she’s been spending too much time playing tennis or worrying about her son’s special needs, etc. Not because the wife is controlling, but because she loves her husband and family and desires a joyful family life. Most of the time it’s to try and control the situation. Wives might take responsibility for their husband’s addiction for all sorts of reasons. If the husband is just using his wife to get a “hit”, it hurts the relationship. Sex is a healthy part of a loving relationship. Healthy sex can be established when the addict is emotionally healthy, using sex as a way to connect, rather than using sex to numb negative emotions. No one would think, “If I give a heroin addict heroin every day, he’ll stop.” For an addict, masturbation, pornography, and sex are drugs. If we have sex every day, he won’t look at pornĪddiction is never satisfied. If you do, you’re competing against fantasy. In my experience, when wives react by competing with porn, rather than rejecting it, the problem gets worse. Women will not find true love by trading their talents, unique perspectives, and God given physical traits for features that resemble societies shallow version of “perfect”. In the process, they objectify themselves. Many wives try to compete with porn instead of rejecting it. If I lose weight, get plastic surgery, and dress perfectly, he won’t look at porn As his addiction progresses, his mental health will decline, and he will likely take out his stress and negative emotions on his wife.
Porn use changes the wiring in his brain-making it increasingly difficult for him to deal with stress or negative emotions in healthy ways. Porn use causes all kinds of problems in relationships, among them: couples have less sex, fight more, and have a difficult time connecting emotionally. His Porn Use Doesn’t Affect Our Relationship Porn will destroy your marriage – as it has many marriages. Just because something is common or “normal” doesn’t make it healthy. But a lot of people smoked in the 1950’s. It’s Normal: It’s true, a lot of people look at porn. Here are five lies women often tell themselves to numb the pain or to feel in control of the situation: 1. They’re worried their husband will get angry, minimize the effects, blame her, treat it like it’s not a big deal, or leave her. Frequently, wives are afraid to confront their husband’s about the pain they experience. Some wives are in so much pain, that they lie to themselves to avoid it–trying to minimize the hurt. Finding out about your husband’s porn use is devastating.
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